Monday, May 26, 2014


Dear YAB Dato’ Sri Haji Mohammad Najib bin Tun Haji Abdul Razak,
I trust this letter finds you in the best of health.
I am writing to inform you that I am setting up a new business in Manchester. No, I do not mean the Gossip Kopitiam, which is now in our second year of operation. By the way, I heard you were supposed to come to Manchester a few months ago but unfortunately the trip was called off at the eleventh hour. If not you could have dropped in at the Gossip Kopitiam for a teh tarik. Anyway, maybe another time.
The new business I am talking about is the Gossip School of Political Correctness, basically a diversification of theGossip Kopitiam. The objective of this school is to teach politicians and all those in the public spotlight what not to say.

This idea came about when our Prime Minister (British PM, that is) said that Britain is a Christian country. There was an immediate outrage because only about half the 71 million British still believe in God (may God bless them) and about 10% of that still go to church. As what my Mat Salleh friend told me, “Thank God I’m an atheist.”
Then, a few days ago, Prince Charles equated the Russian ‘invasion’ or ‘intervention’ or whatever of the Ukraine with the Nazi invasion of Poland. Prince Charles was referring to the justification of this action where Russia said this was to protect the Russians in that country while the Nazis also said this was to protect the Germans in that country.
Anyway, this triggered a heated debate where the opposition even suggested that Prince Charles should step down (as heir to the British throne) and contest the general election (in May next year) if he wants to talk politics. Royals should be seen and not heard, they screamed.
Of course, they were not using ‘Malaysian standards’ in saying this. Can you imagine just being able to see me and not hear me? If I cannot continue talking I would just curl up and die. The very reason of my existence would come to an end. If I cannot whack then I might as well leave this world because there would no longer be any purpose for me to continue living.
So you see, here in the UK, politicians and members of the Royal Family need to be very careful as to what they say. One wrong word and all hell breaks lose. You cannot shoot your mouth off like they do in Malaysia. In fact, in Malaysia, the more nonsense you talk the higher up the ladder you get to climb.
I suppose this just proves one thing. The road to fame is you either do something clever or you do something outrageous. And if you cannot do something clever then you do something outrageous. That would be your fast-track route to fame. And since most Malaysians are not clever then they would need to be outrageous to be famous.
Anyway, due to these recent boo-boos, I thought there would be a good market for the Gossip School of Political Correctness. And I would like to offer my services to Umno because I noticed that many Umno leaders, even your Umno Information Chief, have been making statements that here in the UK would have resulted in their immediate sacking.
To be honest, Dato’ Sri, if you were to ask me my personal opinion regarding the coming general election in 2018 or so, I would say that this general election is not for Pakatan Rakyat to win but for Barisan Nasional to lose. The reason I say this is because DAP and PAS are not ‘compatible’ (tidur satu bantal, mimpi lain-lain) and unless they can resolve their differences regarding Islam (which I feel they will never resolve because of the very ‘nature’ of Islam itself) the voters are going to punish them in the coming general election.
Then we have PKR, which is in utter chaos. To make matters worse, PKR is demonstrating the characteristics of Umno (with due respect to Umno and not meant as an insult to Umno but as an insult to PKR). Hence those who scream ABU (anything but Umno) would need to reject PKR, which is merely an Umno by another name.
Hence my assessment of the coming general election by saying that the coming general election is not for Pakatan Rakyat to win but for Barisan Nasional to lose. And lose it Barisan Nasional will if your party leaders do not attend classes in the Gossip School of Political Correctness and learn what not so say.
Take the statement by your Umno Information Chief that government assets are Umno’s assets as one example. Government assets are not Umno’s assets. They are assets that belong to the taxpayers. In fact, if you use a government vehicle driven by a driver employed (and paid for) by the department or ministry to send your children to school that is wrong.
Actually, if you are a good Muslim, you need to switch off the lights when you pray in your office because your prayers are between you and God and the taxpayers should not be paying for the electricity when you pray. That is how ‘halus’ we need to be if we want to be a good Muslim. I bet your Umno leaders did not know this.
Hence to say that government assets belong to Umno is what I would call political incorrectness. And such a statement will make the voters angry. Fortunately for Umno most Malaysians are stupid. If not your Information Chief would have to resign today.
Then we have this statement that Dyana Sofya Mohd Daud, DAP’s candidate for the Teluk Intan by-election, is a traitor. ‘Traitor’ means one who betrays one’s country, a cause, or a trust, especially one who commits treason. Pray tell, how do you classify Dyana Sofya as a traitor under these circumstances? Is it because she received a MARA education and hence all those who receive a MARA education should support Umno?
This, again, is just like saying government assets belong to Umno. So, if you receive a MARA education you are a traitor if you do not support Umno. Ibrahim Ali also contested on a PAS ticket and he, too, received a MARA education. Why was he not called a traitor?
Anwar Ibrahim received a MCKK education (another all-Malay school). Is he not a traitor as well? My late father, Raja Kamarudin Raja Tun Uda, voted for Gerakan in 1969, then an opposition party, and he, too, was from MCKK. Are you going to label my late father a traitor as well?
Now, before you say ‘yes, your late father Raja Kamarudin was a traitor’, let me remind you that my father was involved in the First Bumiputera Economic Congress in 1965 that was mooted by your late father, Tun Abdul Razak Hussein, the then Deputy Prime Minister under Tunku Abdul Rahman.
69 Resolutions were passed at this Congress and three months later Bank Bumiputra Malaysia Berhad was formally launched by your father, Tun Abdul Razak. Another product of this 1965 Congress was that RIDA, which was formed in 1956, a year before Merdeka, was changed to MARA College and in 1967 to the MARA Institute of Technology or ITM.
Many other institutions were also set up over the last 50 years that benefited millions, yes, millions, of Malays, the result of what the 1965 First Bumiputera Economic Congress spawned. Hence, although my late father supported the opposition Gerakan in the 1969 general election, can he be regarded as a traitor to the Malays when what he did gave millions of Malays the opportunity of a good future?
So you see, Dato’ Sri, we need to be very careful with what we say because, as the English would say, “Loose lips sink ships.” And if Umno sinks it will be because of that, the loose lips of your own people. Hence I would suggest you send all your leaders to the Gossip School of Political Correctness so that we can teach them what not to say.
Yours sincerely,
Raja Petra Bin Raja Kamarudi